Dear younger self,

How are you doing? I hope you are still holding up well. I know life is tough but so it is 5 years later. I know you are still trying to figure out your strengths and your limitations. That is fine. You really need to take your time on that. I know that sometimes you are too clueless that you just want to forget everything and live - on. I just want to remind you of the realizations that I have now in the future and hopefully be able to guide you.

My beloved, please value work and work smart. Believe me on this one. You will fail in almost all aspects of this topic. You will procrastinate a lot and you will, most of the time, take things for granted. I wish you will realize earlier that you have great potentials that you need to unfold and embrace. Stop comparing yourself to others. You may fail in some things but believe me, you are amazing on all other stuff. Focus on improving yourself and develop a habit that will lead you to success. Stop giving excuses and start working out your plans. It’s never too late, never too late. Make your experiences your license to slay the future and what's ahead.

Value relationship. You don't really have to gain thousands of friends on Facebook nor Instagram. You don't need to impress anyone either. Just be kind to everybody and be wise in choosing your set of friends. Make sure to get in touch with them and make sure to be the friend that you want for yourself. You will meet a lot of them. You will meet good ones. The kind of friends who are always there to support you regardless of the situation. They will stick around regardless the distance, without judgment and without question. Cherish them, they will be vital for your success, emotional health and in your life in general.

Love and be loved. You will meet assholes. Plenty of them. I guess that is because you will be very anxious about getting one so you will not be tagged as the ugly duckling. Accept the fact that you are born different with unique talents and characteristics. Turn every heartbreaks and frustrations into lifelong lessons and be sure to learn from it. You are used to learning things the hard way and I want you to realize as early as now, that chasing after people who don't want to stay is like running on a treadmill for 5 hours; it's impossible and tiring. It will be rough but remember that no matter how promising the relationship is, accept the reality that some people you meet in life are in your timeline to prepare you for the one that will be with you forever. Be thankful for the experiences and the learnings both the good and bad. Those will make you wiser and tougher. Strive to always be a positive impact on someone's life so you will leave a memorable mark in their heart.

Above all, treasure your family. I can never stress this enough. You have failed them and they are still there for you no matter what. Make up for the times you missed and try to be present. Strive harder for your family and as the band goes, "Make your Mama Proud - MYMP"

Lastly, Just live. Live relentlessly with hopes and a great attitude towards people and yourself. Worry about being better. Drop your insecurities, they won't matter in the future. Learn to harness your skills in all areas and just enjoy life.

Live, Love and be loved. Let go of the past and be hopeful for the future. You have your future to conquer.

Love,

Your 20-ish self <3

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I didn’t write anything about you because I never really thought that we will get to face this time of our lives. I am sorry for everything. Sorry for the things that I did that made you cry. I should have done better. Thank you for setting the standard on how women should be treated. You made me feel secured and loved in the best ways possible that you never complained about my weight gain. You never complained about my messy hair and my “I don’t care” attitude, instead, you showed me how to do things.

The time that I met you wasn’t perfect. I was recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship. I wasn’t ready to be in another one specially with another black guy (you know what this means). It was the worst days. Then I met you. You taught me how to believe in love again. The simple gesture of making my pictures your screen saver, parading me all over the town and introducing me to your family and friends. I felt so beautiful, I felt so loved and for the first time ever, I finally said, I think I found the man of my dreams. You are so smart, witty and full of wisdom that always left me speechless until now. I can’t win arguments with you right? ☺️ You love your mother and family, above anything else, you love God. You showed me that everything gets better if you have God with you. You are really a catch! A good catch! Made me think that I might have done something good in my past life to have you in my present.

 
You have become my provider, my shelter and my shield. Remember the day that I got lost in Hanoi? It was raining and I wasn’t able to get to where I should be because of language barrier between me and the taxi driver. He just drop me off in the middle of the street soaking wet without any access to transportation because no one understands English and it was a bit secluded. It was hopeless. I look so pathetic crying on the road thinking what have I got myself into. Then I just gave you a call and my battery is almost empty and wasn’t able to give you the complete address just the street yet you came minutes after and I was so surprised how did you able to find me. I was the happiest. You are like my knight in shining armour. I felt so protected.

 
We were so happy together. We conquered every scrutinizing stare of the Vietnamese grannies whenever we pass by them. We traveled together and made plans for the future. We were unstoppable. It felt like we have everything within our reach. I am bad at remembering small details but I promise I remember those times that you wait for me to come home for us to eat together, those times where you smirk on my jokes, when you dance in your weird dance moves, how you iron ur clothes in detail, how you carefully comb ur hair and how you hate pho. The food that you like and the food that you hate. Oh how can I forget the fact that your favorite singer is TAYLOR SWIFT. 😂😂😂.

 
You were the YIN to my YANG and you taught me almost everything. You taught me how to choose my battles, how to act accordingly, how to mature and how to be near to God. You were my bestfriend and older brother. You basically taught me everything that I needed to mature gracefully but still I didn’t.

 
I remember the first time that I made you cry. I felt guilty. God only knows how I felt tha time. You know exactly what I am talking about. It was even unforgivable but you choose to stay because you said your love is deeper and bigger than those challenges. That exact moment, I realized the kind of love that you have for me. I can’t explain it by words. It was fatherly, brotherly and just comforting. (God, can’t help crying as I write this, I guess I just missed you so much).

 
I guess I just shared too much about us, my point is. I want the world to know how good you are and there are still people like you. Sometimes, we are too focused on believing that everyone is the same. If you found that one person who can move mountains and who is willing to do everything for you, don’t take them for granted. Take care of that love and nurture it. I know that there will be differences but find common grounds and respect the person. You might only have one chance to meet such.

 
To you who is reading this, Thank you so much for the love that you have given. I am a better person because of you. I have live my life knowing that I can do all things that I put my heart and focus on because of you. Thank you for believing in me even at times that me myself can’t find enough courage to do things. Thank you for everything that you are. There will always be a piece of you wherever I go. You will always have that special part in my heart where no one can fill. Thank you for sacrificing a lot of you so I may have the best in life. That is the best feeling ever! Thank you for fighting for me and for just making me a better person.

 
I wish you all the best in life! I know you will eventually get there because u are the most hardworking and the most dedicated person that I have known! I will be the happiest if you will fulfill those dreams we set! I know that the road seems endless recently but I know it will only get better. If the universe would pull us back together in the future (which I pray), I hope you would still see me the way that you see me the first day. Don’t get me wrong. I wish you will find that person who will love you and will treat you way better than I did. You deserve that. You deserve all the love and goodness this world has to offer!

The time that we had together were the best that I ever had. Thank you for giving me memories that I can cherish forever. I just wished I could have done better. I am really sorry for the things that I did and for the things that I didn’t.

 
I will always love you. Please don’t forget that!

 

 

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Here I am again in the middle of nowhere

Where my heart usually wander

When to my questions I can't find answer

To the reality that life had offered

Having too much, having too less

How can I measure success?

They say we have our own perfect timing,

but will I ever know when is it coming?

Got so much to say, got so much to do

Yet no one is willing to compromise for you.

You meet people who are nice on the surface

Yet you know that they do things full of malice

People come and go.

As you age you learn that this is how it flows

Many  will teach you life lessons

But only one will give you that one good reason.

Love as if it's your last,

Live and let go of the past

Pray that everything will work out as planned

Remember that your future will depend

on how you deal with your dilemmas til' the end.

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by: iamclarice

Is this real or in my dreams

My worlds unraveling at the seams

You have my heart now take my soul

This cyber love is what makes me whole

I can't believe what's happening to me

Your face so perfect and full of glee.

Your lips so soft I may never touch

I only feel the keyboard I clutch

I need you now I need you forever

In an electric world to be together

A surreal place that plays with the mind

In a digital world that made our bind.

I consume your words they filter inside

No matter what I do I can't seem to hide

My trembling hands awaiting the rush

When I feel you near to resume this crush

This cyber love Is why I awake

This cyber love is my only escape

The time has come I feel it in my spine

When I look at the lit up screen and see you're online.

PS. This is from my Notes in facebook. This was made last January 26, 2012.
Trying to share it in here. Hope u Like it!.

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by: iamclarice

To try and try and yet come up short,

to hang my head while giving a report,

not able to make anything right,

turns brightest days to darkest nights.

Amidst thoughts of strength to find myself weak

brings a gut-wrenching pain of which my heart cannot speak.

Failure has never been part of my plan.

I curse times I didn’t even try when I know that I can.

My standard, my goal, my hope is perfection,

yet I am met with regret, rebuke, and rejection.

Failure is a companion I have grown to despise,

its taunts and its laughs are not found in your eyes.

In you, I can see love, understanding and more.

You think me a winner regardless life’s score.

When I’ve nearly given up, drowning in failure,

you light my life, my sight, my plight to the Savior.

A love like yours in this life is most glorious,

although I’m imperfect, with Christ I know I am victorious.

Originally Written on September 25, 2012, during my cadet days

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by: iamclarice

I dont know what to say,

Coz I know you won't fight for it anyway.

This is the only way I can keep my heart at bay,

Off from the blue array.

Life is never fair, 

No matter how well you fare. 

I'd tried my best,

But it's still the least. 

I promise you'll be fine

You won't blow up like mine

Your stronger than I am

After all your a Big strong man

I'd given you all I can,

Yet I still don't get your gentle hands.

Would you ever know how I feel?

No, you never will...

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by: iamclarice
All things seems lovely,
Whenever I see u, I sway.
At first, I never thought it would last,
Coz it's crazy and everything's so fast.

I may have not known your way
and all the hidden things it says.
I may have misunderstood your jokes,
and all the crazy things you spoke.
Please believe me when I say,
and those I miss when you are away.

You somehow knew my weaknesses,
My flaws and insecurities,
Thank you for you never complain,
that my stories are all about pain.

I never promised to be the best,
Nor to be perfect in all life's test.
I just promise to be there,
To give all my love and care.

Cheezy this may sound,
But you give joy to my lonely ground,
I love you isn't enough,
To show you that with you
It's Love that I found

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by: iamclarice

Remember the first time we met,

the ease and comfort we felt?

Seems like we've known each other for so long.

Like you and me we both belong.

I was not ready to open my life to you.

For I am feeling so blue.

But each day you leave me no clue,

About how you make me have this feeling so true.

You held me up when I am down,

You cheer me up each time I frown.

When I am lost you find my way,

No matter how busy you are every day.

You never react nor ever complain.

And this makes me somehow in pain.

I know u deserve better than this.

Every good thing in love, more than just a kiss.

I hope that I can keep you forever,

To have and hold, please leave me never.

Coz I never felt cared and important before.

Having you in my life is one of God's greatest favor.

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